"Jesus Christ, Machete! You're a fucking shit magnet!" immigration officer Sartana (Jessica Alba) shouts. It's true. Wherever Machete (Danny Trejo) goes, people seem to lose their arms, intestines, and/or heads; just by following the geysers of blood and blasts of gore, it'd be easy to track his sordid trail of vengeance. Gleefully violent and giddily hilarious, Machete--an action comedy inspired by one of Robert Rodriguez's fake trailers from Grindhouse--is utterly content in its role as a bit of faux exploitation. By the time we witness a climactic standoff between a terrified Minutemen militia and a phalanx of bumpin' lowriders, Machete's more than surpassed its goofy origins. by Erik Henriksen